Joe's Version

Our Modern Day Love Story Orchestrated by God

In the past 3 ½ months while I have been home on furlough, the most common question asked is, “Have you met someone special in your life yet?”  Usually I respond by telling them that I am probably farther away from marriage then I have ever been in my life before.  Even though I am not getting any younger, there was really nothing happening.  Actually I haven’t really dated anyone in the past 8 years and really haven’t had a serious girlfriend since 16 years ago in college

Some of my own friends and family have accused me of being “too picky.”  I don’t disagree with them about that, but tell them that if I have made it this far without being married, then why should I settle for something less than the best?  I have seen my fair share of failed marriages and I would rather stay single than have to experience something like that.  I have seen my own parents happily married for over 46 years and they seem to enjoy each other more and more all the time.  That is what I want in my life and will not settle for anything less than that. 

My parents have been praying for my future spouse since I was a baby and many other friends and family in America and in Kenya have joined them in praying for that throughout the years.  Married people have told me so many times that when it comes, you will just know.  I don’t know if I ever truly believed that until now!  

My world was turned upside down 1 month ago on October 23^rd.  As I have shared earlier, the story goes back much further than that to the time she was born, 4 days before I was born (May 1976).  It was then that my parents began praying for her, 36 years before they had ever heard the name Daneen Leidig! 

How did our lives finally intersect?  Before I left for Kenya in 2003 I attended a pre-field training at Mission Training International in Colorado Springs, CO.  I met a couple there named Don and Kristie Drage who were also preparing to go and serve in Kenya for a couple of years.  A few months ago they sent me a message to tell me that when I go to Portland I should contact their friend who had just moved there recently.  They said she had lived in Africa twice:  Once while working with the Peace Corp in Zambia for 6 months and then later when working with high school students for Scripture Union in Uganda for 1 ½ years.  They said she would probably be interested in hearing me speak about God’s work in Kenya.  Daneen had been a great friend of theirs in Longmont, CO for many years before and after living in Africa and before she moved to Portland. 

The second night I was in Portland we had planned a little reception at Paul and Joyce Maier’s house for some of my friends around the area.  If I remember right, my first impression of Daneen when she showed up was, “Wow, she is really cute and full of energy and life.”  After the chili dinner I gave a presentation and soon after Daneen tried to leave, but I told her that she was still young and single so there was no reason for her to leave so early.  Luckily she stayed for another hour and shared more about her current job.  She caught my attention when she explained that she was working for a non-profit called “These Numbers Have Faces” that helps provide college scholarships for students in Africa.  We set up a meeting with Daneen and her boss to see about the possibility of partnering with their group.  We went to their office a few days later and met with them for a couple of hours.  After the meeting, I offered to treat them to lunch to thank them for their time, which I thought was a very solid cover for getting to spend more time with Daneen.  During lunch there were a few touches, a couple of smiles and one or two comments that gave me hope that maybe she was as interested in me as I was in her. 

After we left them, I told my friend two things I was thinking about… 

1) Daneen would be such a huge benefit to Mbita and CGA.  She would be incredible in Africa because she has lived there before, understands the culture well, has an adorable American African accent and has experience and a passion for mentoring teenage girls in that setting. 

2) I really want to get to know her better because I can envision us having a future together! 

So I asked Joyce what should come first, inviting Daneen to come and serve in Mbita or pursuing a relationship with her.  We never really had a good answer for that question, but I think we know the answer now.

After I left Portland I only had a few weeks to prepare for my return to Kenya on November 24^th.  Daneen and I started an ongoing conversation through text messages and e-mails which started with business stuff and gradually shifted to more personal things.  Each one seemed to get longer and longer.  We began discussing some pretty deep things about our backgrounds, families, former careers, personalities, interests, strengths and weaknesses, our spiritual journeys and life in Africa as a single missionary.  Once the conversations started migrating towards marriage and family, I figured it was time to start talking over the phone, or maybe in person. 

So I called Daneen and told her that I knew this was a little crazy and maybe didn’t make a lot of sense, but that I was interested in her and thought that maybe she was also interested in me.  I wanted to spend  more time with her before I go back to Kenya to see if this was something more than just friendship.  So I offered to fly her down to Southern California to hang out with me for a few days.  Her end of the phone went silent and I thought that maybe I had moved a little too fast and scared her off; so I told her not to worry about giving me an answer immediately.  Finally she responded by saying that she was very shocked, but her next words were music to my ears, “I wish you could see how big my smile is right now.”  Whew!  That was a relief.  We talked a little about the craziness of it and the next morning we found tickets!  It was really simple and easy like everything has seemed to work out during this process.  I told her that we shouldn’t put much pressure on ourselves when she comes down.  We wanted to be friends, have some fun together and enjoy each other’s company. 

When I picked her up in San Diego I remember telling her early on that with my personality sometimes it takes a while for me to warm up to things.  For example, I almost never like a song or TV show the first time I experience it.  And the same is usually true in friends and relationships.  It takes me a while to feel that close bond, but once I do, it is long lasting.  At the time I had no idea it would only take me about 2 days in Daneen’s case.  Each day with her seemed to get better and better. 

On the 4^th day, we went sailing with my brother Sam.  Right as we got on the boat Sam’s wife Sally started talking with me.  She was suggesting that I invite Daneen to change her ticket and stay all the way through Thanksgiving and Sam was suggesting that I should change my ticket back to Kenya and stay in America through Christmas time.  I didn’t say much, but I began thinking about both of those ideas.  We had a great day on the boat.  There wasn’t much wind which led to some slow sailing, but it was a perfect, beautiful day.  I can’t think of a much better way to spend 6 hours than that! 

The next day we changed Daneen’s flight so that she could stay for another week and go back to Portland after Thanksgiving.   That night we had an incredible evening together and spent the whole night talking about anything and everything.  In fact, the whole week had been like that. 

Some of the best times we had was during all the driving we were doing.  Sometimes we would leave the radio off and talk the whole way.  Other times we would crank up the music and sing at the top of our lungs.  Other times we would just sit in silence and enjoy each other’s presence.

Earlier that day my dad had sent me a short e-mail saying…

You and Daneen have been on our minds and in our prayers all day, even in church this morning. I remember how all of a sudden my life changed the summer of 1965 when I met Mom. What a blessing she has been to me! No decision I ever made other than my decision to follow Christ ever has mattered more to me or affected my life more.

We're praying for you both and praying "not our will, but Yours, be done, O Lord our Strength and our Redeemer."

Love you so very much,

Dad and Mom

What great timing.  I was beginning to think that my life was changing forever!     

The next day I had to take a short trip to Montana for one more speaking engagement.  On the way I contacted the missionary couple that had first connected us.  I thanked Don and told him that things were going so well (and fast) and wanted to hear more from him about Daneen’s character since he knew her so well.  When he began sharing, it was exactly the same Daneen that I had come to know in our short time together.  I think the one thing I love most about her is that she is so real and sincere.  She doesn’t pretend to be someone she is not; she shares her strengths and weaknesses, her struggles and challenges and doesn’t play games at all.  Don’s words were very reassuring.  And I invited him (and I also invite all of you who are taking the time to read this long story) to please feel free to share any wise counsel, advice or comments with Daneen or me or both of us.  We want to hear from other people, especially those that are praying with us. 

Coming back to California on the day before Thanksgiving, Daneen picked me up at the airport, but everything was different now.  Meeting Daneen in the airport felt like meeting my best friend and soul-mate.  48 hours apart seemed like an eternity and I couldn’t wait to see her and share everything that had happened while we were apart.  The drive home took twice as long as usual because of the holiday traffic, but neither of us seemed to mind.  In fact I kind of hoped it would take longer so that we could get more time alone together. 

I informed her I was working on postponing my return to Kenya and pushing it back a month so that I could have more time with her.  I told her that when I invited her down to California, it was because I wanted to get to know her better before I went back to Kenya, but that I still feel like I want to get to know her much more before leaving the continent.  I postponed the flight for a few reasons:

1)      I wanted to get to know her better, including her life in Portland and her family in Pennsylvania
2)      I wanted her to know that she was more important to me than my job or ministry
3)      God seemed to be moving mightily and I didn’t want to miss out on his plans or stand in His way!

A couple of side notes… Two months ago I had a thought that I might need to extend my time in America a little longer.  I had no idea why, but God had begun preparing my heart at that time.  Just today I talked with Steve and Judi Cochran who I have worked with for 9 years in Mbita at CGA and they told me that months ago they had started praying that I would extend my time in the States and stay through the month of December, even though they never said anything to me.  Maybe they didn’t even know why they were praying that, but God did!

We had a great couple of days with family and after bidding them goodbye I drove her to San Diego to catch her flight.  Before leaving we enjoyed an intimate seafood dinner on the water at Seaport Village.  As we held hands across the small table, nibbling on crab cakes, I told her what I had already known for about a week… that I loved her!

If somebody would have told me a month ago that you could fall in love with someone in less than a month, I would have told them that they were crazy.  Not anymore. I’ve never been too eager to call it “falling in love” because I think love is more of an action and a decision.  Even in this case, it seems that God has orchestrated these circumstances to bring us together and enabled us to mutually feel this connection.  It’s less of a magical infatuation and more of a miracle from God. 

So she is now back in Portland and we will be apart for the next week which is hard, but probably a good thing.  I will be visiting Portland December 3-17.  We already have plans to do some pre-marital counseling and to go shopping for an engagement ring.  Then I will come back home for a week before joining her at her parent’s house in Pennsylvania on Christmas Eve up until the time I fly out to Kenya on December 30.  She will hopefully be coming to Uganda for work next March and then will spend some time in Kenya after she finishes.  We have already begun discussing marriage and life after.  There could be a wedding on the horizon early next summer and we will start our lives together in Mbita, Kenya.  

The story is absolutely amazing how God has orchestrated all of these events to bring us together in His perfect timing.  If it would have happened 5 or 10 years ago, it probably wouldn’t have worked out, but right now it just seems like a Cinderella Story.  I was able to meet her at the end of my furlough which gave me more time to get to know her (especially with this extra month now).  And she has been in a bit of transition since returning from Uganda over a year ago, and then moving to Portland to take a new job. 

Daneen is an incredible woman.  She loves the Lord and has an intimate growing relationship with Him!  She is so personable and warm.  She has a fun personality and loves having a good time, making me laugh and laughing at my stupid jokes.  She seems to know how to fit in to almost any situation.  She lives her whole life with passion.  She is very intelligent (She used to be a Rocket Scientist).  She is very simple and doesn’t need much, but appreciates whatever she does have.  She is very affectionate with her touch and very encouraging with her words.  And finally, she is more than beautiful.  Her golden blonde hair glistens in the sun.  She has the athletic body of a gymnast (which she was) and her smile can light up the darkest places in the world.  I get lost while gazing in her eyes and the feel of her soft skin is a taste of heaven.  She has added a lot of spice to my boring life.

I am so excited about what lies ahead.  It is a partnership and companionship; sharing our lives together.  Building “our” home and creating “our” ministry together.  I have told her that I don’t know what our future holds or where we will live or what we will be doing, but I know we will be doing it together.  God has provided for us and guided both of us individually for so long and has now begun guiding us together in His perfect timing.  Ten years ago neither one of us would have dreamed we would be doing what we are doing right now.  She was following her dream to be an astronaut while I was following my dream to be a college basketball coach.  God changed those dreams for both of us and gave us a new direction in life.  Now he is fulfilling our wildest dreams of finding someone special to share our lives with.  God has used us individually to do great things to advance His kingdom in the past 10 years, and I can’t even imagine the things he has in store for us to do together.  Two are better than one!  Satan is worried and we need your prayers more than ever at this time! 

Thanks for being a part of “Our Modern Day Love Story Orchestrated by God.”